Survey Says....

As you know from previous posts (or from my tolerant and worldly attitude), I tend towards cultural relativism (to an extent) when judging other countries and cultures. Now that I have spent the better (and I suppose the worse as well) part of five months living in Peru, I feel versed enough in Peruvian culture to make some comparisons to the United States. Specifically, I want to address those things which I think are better in one country versus the other. Rather than discuss obvious topics (who has the better space program, who has cooler monuments that date beyond 1750, who makes finer classic rock, who dances better, etc.), I will talk about those items which one might not observe without spending time in both the US and Peru. Let's start things off with my bread and butter, the United States. What are you better at, oh Land of the Free and Home of the Brave?

Cell Phone Plans: Before coming to the US, I thought US wireless companies abused, extorted, manipulated, and deceived us hapless customers. Though rates have declined and minutes have increased, I still felt a certain enmity toward the cell phone giants. That was until I came to Peru. Granted, I don't own a cell phone here, but after seeing the cock and bull (I'm not entirely sure if I am using that correctly, so bear with me) that Peruvians have to put up with from Claro, Movistar, and Nextel, I feel downright grateful to be able to return to T-Mobile. A much larger majority of users here elect pre-paid cell phones than in the US. The idea is that you eschew a monthly contract and instead buy minutes as you go. Sounds convenient right? It is convenient, but it's also obscenely expensive. How does $0.35/minute sound to you? The phones are fairly cheap, but they also fall apart approximately 4 minutes after you leave the store. 'Well, what about the contract plans?' you ask. Well they, on the other hand, are terrific. If by 'terrific' we mean overpriced and under-minuted. Once you run out of minutes, you are stuck buying more minutes like the pre-paid suckers. Except you are a sucker now too. How do Peruvians talk on their cell phones so much? Brand loyalty. It is free to talk from a Claro phone to a Claro phone, Movistar to Movistar, etc. Basically, as long as all your friends and family and important contacts patronize the same wireless company, you are fine. If not, well, I hope you don't mind paying more for your cell phone than your rent.

Importation: I don't care what it is, the US has more imported products than Peru. This may not sound particularly noteworthy, and I freely admit that I took it for granted in the US, but there are a lot of imported products we enjoy that just don't make it down here. And if they do make it down here, it's hard to find and expensive. Guinness, cheeses, Japanese beef, Louis Vuitton, Apple products, Washington apples, apple cider...you aren't going to see much, if any, of these in Peru. You may want to remind me that I get to enjoy many fine South American products that don't make it to the US, but I still believe the US imports way way more stuff than Peru. For instance, I went to the supermarket looking a nice import to drink while watching the market recap. My options: Peroni, Erdinger, Erdinger Non-Alcoholic, and Heineken. Now why don't you go down to the supermarket and tell me what you find? Enjoy that selection, Jack, because it ain't like that everywhere.

Smog: Yeah yeah, I know that LA and Houston and a host of other cities are always noted for their smog problems. Try walking along a busy street in Lima, and you will have a much greater appreciation for what smog is really like. I know that there are yearly smog checks for vehicles here (I do not know, however, how strictly they are enforced), but based on the thick smoke you can see and smell coming out of every second car, you would have had me fooled. It's hard to tell if there is the pollution soup like that which hovers over LA (since Lima is always foggy the smog isn't really visible in the sky), but you sure notice it in the city. Fortunately (and this barely falls into the fortunately category), a lot of the smog comes from buses and shared-ride vans, so at least it's from public transportation and not single moms in their 'Sclades. Just remember to enjoy the clean air when you are walking along a city street, dining al fresco, or hosing down your driveway (use a broom! Water don't grow on trees, you bozo!).

Political campaigning: You all know how agitated I became as a result of the excessive, unprofessional, and wasteful campaign publicity I saw in Lima during the mayoral elections. Fortunately back in California, our candidates know how to do campaigning right.

Now it's time to give Peru it's due. What are you better at, oh home of the Incas, Moches, various pre-Colombian societies, and the inimitable llama?

Seafood: Any creature that comes from the ocean is consistently fresher, cheaper, and most importantly, tastier in Peru than in the US. Don't get me wrong, there are certainly gems to be found in the states (Bob's Clam Hut, Providence, Swan Oyster Depot, etc.), but on the whole, your average Peruvian restaurant serving seafood blows your average American restaurant serving seafood out of the saline water from whence your dinner came. The best part about the seafood is that it's also comparably cheap (when judged against beef and chicken prices), so you hardly need an incentive to eat more of it. I don't have a good explanation why the seafood is so incredible here, but I recommend you eat as much aquatic life as you can if you find yourself along the coast of Peru.

Sports broadcasting energy: I know that the US has a great tradition of color and play-by-play announcing for a variety of sports, and I am a fan of many American broadcasters currently on the air. However, for sheer excitement for the game in question, no one, save for Gus Johnson, can match the energy of Peruvian announcers. I knew that they brought a lot of enthusiasm to soccer (yes, football) matches, but I didn't know that this same enthusiasm would carry over to Major League Baseball, the Women's World Cup of Volleyball, or the NBA. Listening to broadcasters here is certainly a different experience. Often times the Spanish is too fast for me to appreciate the analysis, observations, and commentary. The infectious excitement, though, can be appreciated by anyone around the globe. I find this energy to be particularly important while watching games on TV or listening to the radio. Since you can't be there in person, it's very thoughtful of the announcers to make the game as exciting as possible for you. Did I get in to the Brazil-Italy Women's World Cup of Volleyball match? Well, kinda. But certainly more than if I had watched it with American announcers (save for Gus Johnson, however. Anyone who watched the UCLA-Gonzaga game from the Western Regionals a few years back knows how much an enthusiastic announcer enhances the experience.).

Roof security: Dogs, dogs, a sheep, and more dogs. Peruvians maintain a well trained canine army on a large number of roofs on houses and buildings. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved. The dogs get to enjoy superior views, prime barking vantage points, and higher wind speeds. The dog owners/employers get to enjoy piece of mind that their structure is protected against aerial assault from: special forces teams, criminals with helicopters, supervillians suffering from cynophobia, and roof cats. And your truly gets to enjoy the most magnificent vista of them all, a dog barking his guts out at you from 20 feet up.

There are things I am looking forward to in the US, but there are also things I will miss from Peru. Unfortunately, neither country has helped me make any headway on my search for a decent wig (I'll even go second-hand!).