"I Wish They All Could Be..."

By virtue of the fact that I live permanently in a residence where the majority of the guests stay only temporarily, I meet a lot of people for the first time. There are both positive and negative aspects of this arrangement. I have a lot of interesting discussions and see many different perspectives. I am able to share the information I have gathered about Lima and the surrounding areas. I make friends, albeit short term friends (I'm having lunch with the Aussie-Kiwi couple Reece and Jemma. They were the folks who got mugged after encountering a corrupt taxi driver, but they bounced back strong and have returned to Lima after visiting some areas to the south.) If I don't like someone (like the guy who closes and locks the door to the shared bathroom when he showers. The showers have doors, you putz, do you really need that much privacy?! You are monopolizing two showers, two stalls, and two sinks while I freeze my bunions off out here. Gah!) they are usually out of my hair in a day or two. While I enjoy these benefits, I should also point out a less enjoyable activity that comes with the territory. I have almost identical conversations over and over again when I first encounter people, and end up answering a lot of the same questions: What's your name? Where are you from? What are you doing here? Six months in a hostel?! Do you expect to get girls with that mustache or just frighten children? Do you know the name of a good wig man? However, one question that gets me thinking more than all the others is "What do you miss in the United States?"

In the beginning of this wacky little sojourn I didn't feel like I missed very much. The constant surprises and new experiences probably kept my mind so busy that I didn't stop to consider what I missed. I started to notice the things I missed during the past week. I had a hearty cold, and since I was not working Wednesday through Friday because of the independence day, I had plenty of time to rest and recuperate in the Casona. This also gave me plenty of time to reflect on life in the US and think about what I was missing. First and foremost, I miss my family and friends. Though I have made friends here, they can not substitute the support structure I have in the US. For instance, when I read a really good Star Trek/hockey joke here I have no one to share the mirth with. Or, when I am sick I have no one to hold the hanky while I blow my nose. Flippancy aside, I do miss you guys and I appreciate the contact we have maintained. Now, I would like to talk about some of the less obvious things I miss about home:

Good ol' American sizes. This encompasses a variety of types of sizes that I miss. I have purchased one t-shirt, two polo shirts, one sweatshirt, one pair of sweatpants, and one short-sleeve button-down mothers-lock-up-your-daughters shirt, and none of them seem to fit me properly. The pants are too short and the shirts and sweatshirt are all too small. And I'm not talking stylishly small. I wanted to buy some hiking shoes in the North Face outlet here but the sizes only go up to 11. I'm a 13! I don't consider myself particularly tall or long of foot, but Peru is not the place to outfit yourself if you are 1.91m tall. Other sizes cause me consternation as well. The food portions here are smaller than what you'll see in the US, but this is not a problem for me. I really shouldn't be eating sandwiches which weigh over a pound, all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ where I can easily pack away a laserjet printer-sized quantity of beef, or burritos which are sometimes mistaken for newborns (don't worry everyone! I am eager to start gorging again upon my return!). However, there are specific portions I do miss. Why can't I get my coffee in a big boy cup? I want more than five ounces at a time, and if that is greedy or unhealthy, it's still a freedom I enjoy in America. And beer! The bottles are either 330ml (less than a 12 ounce can in the US) or 660ml (almost double a can in the US). Where's my 355 ml spec can/bottle?! I don't want a liter of cola, but I also don't want a half liter of cola. Perhaps you have a bottle in the back that strikes a sensible balance between those two sizes? No? Bully! Maybe this is a sign that I should not drink these beverages, but darnit, I like 'em! Just in different portion sizes, please.

Good ol' American hardware. I'm talking about the hardware fixtures you find around the house. This may seem like a frivolous thing to miss, but when you live your whole life turning on the lights with an up-down motion, it's hard to adjust to these crazy sideways switches.

Yes you heard me correctly, sideways switches.

And unfortunately for me, it doesn't stop there. The power outlets don't accept the two/three flat-pronged plugs (well, some do, but let's just ignore that little fact for argument's sake) which make our country so great. Rather, the stubborn outlets here only accept ROUND two-pronged plugs. Are we in the stone age?! The showers here have either one or two handles which help to regulate the hot water-cold water ratio (but hey, I wouldn't know! I'm stuck outside while Francois [I don't know his name, and I don't think he was French, but let's just go with it] enjoys not only a shower to himself, but an entire bathroom to himself! Gah!), but the handles on the sinks in kitchens or bathrooms only allow one to dispense cold water. I can accept the fact that my hands are cold after washing them, but let's think of the hygiene, people. I truly miss American household hardware.

Cheese. While there is plentiful Edam, Gouda, and Queso Fresco, the variety and quality of cheese here is sadly lacking. It's possible to encounter a few imported cheeses from Europe, but they are prohibitively expensive (even in the US, these would be considered very pricey). I miss cheese shops with their stacks of cheese in all shapes, sizes, colors, and smells. We are really lucky in the US to have access to all the local and imported cheese that we do. I know what some of you are thinking. Our cheese pales in comparison to what you can find in Europe. That may be true (although there are a lot more artisan cheesemakers in the US now, and the American cheesescape is gaining ground quickly), but come to Peru and you'll appreciate what we do have. I would murder for some Boschetto al Tartufo or a decent goat cheese right about now. If you're curious to try more cheeses, I suggest Andrew's Cheese Shop on Montana near 7th in Santa Monica (yes, that is the real name). Andrew is a real good guy and makes the cheese-buying process interactive and unintimidating. Or you could try the Silver Lake Cheese Store and get some Intelligentsia coffee after, just make sure you wear your skinny jeans and ride your fixed-gear bike there. If you want to delve into the wonderful world of cheese, a cheese shop is a great place to start. Don't be afraid to sample without committing to buy!

There is truly one thing I miss above everything else, but sometimes pictures do a better job of telling the story:


Once again, the Master Gym comes through bigtime when Andrew needs a little taste of the States.